memoirs of a Martel
by blessedarethecracked
Summary: An angsty Colette? Martel finding something deeper than casual sex? As the plot twists deepen and time starts running short for Genis and Mithos what will happen on their big day? chappy 9 up, sorry for the delay!and yes I do mean thank in chapter 9!
1. one little evil genius

Mithos was happy. And this was worrying. Being anything other than suicidal was unusual, and right now, most of the others were scared shitless. All because one little evil genius was smiling. Yeh, you heard me. Smiling.

"Bloody cheek" muttered Martel as she seethed on a fluffy green cloud watching her little brother make his way to the lake near the campsite. _Honestly, siblings these days, you give them - what - seven years? And they're already over you? Cheeky sod _she mused, missing a small village with her lightning she was so annoyed. _Could be worse I suppose _she reflected, trying to ignore the light moaning that was coming from Yuan's tent _your soul mate could have abandoned you for a steamy affair with one of your ex-comrades. _The yelping grew louder. _Oh yeh _she glared bitterly _he just did. _

Anyway, back to Mithos. He was smiling. As if we couldn't guess why you randy bugger… He'd spent a very, hem, pleasant evening with Genis and after he had confessed his unfaltering love for him, the two were now engaged and Lloyd had agreed to be their bridesmaid. Just kidding. Lloyd was, of course, still madly in love with Genis and had refused. But he was sure that Presea would make an adequate replacement, after all, pink was going to be the colour scheme.

"Sheena" he said as he passed her, "you heard?"

Sheena on the other hand was not happy.

"I spent all of this morning trying to comfort Lloyd who cried so loudly that he interfered with a summoning and then I was chased 14 times round the lake by and irate spirit. How exactly could I have not heard?"

Mithos shrugged "whatever. Aren't you going to congratulate me?"

Sheena raised her eyebrows. "Sure. Its not like I had no idea that Lloyd was gay and have spent most of my life infatuated with him. By all means, I'm happy for you. Just don't expect me to be a bridesmaid."

He laughed " Don't worry, Presea's already agreed. Besides" he added, looking her up and down "you're purple.."

"No, estupido, my _hair_ is purple." she turned to leave and then smiled slyly "oh.. and by the way, I just heard that that village we passed yesterday not longer exists." glancing upwards, she grinned "someone ain't happy…"

Mithos turned a delicate shade of green and went to find his fiancée

So back to Martel. C'mon you've got to feel sorry for her, first she's sacrificed, then she's forgotten, she has to sit back and watch her brother go insane and everyone else move on. "and you know the worst part?" she wailed to Botta's ghost, "I never got to tell Colette that she looked cute in that red mini" Oh yeh. And she died before she could tell Colette that she looked cute in that red mini. Filing her nails she lazily wriggled her foot out of her shoe which plunged off the cloud and hit Colette on the head. _If you think for one minute that you're getting away with being gay all your life and never confiding in your loyal, understanding and caring big sister you're wrong Mithos. Time to stir things up a little methinks…_

Colette blinked. Something was wrong.. did someone need saving? Had she suddenly lost her powers? Did she still have feet? (well you never know..) looking down, her suspicions were refuted, no, she still had feet… aah. Picking up a shadily green coloured shoe that had an ominously light and fluffy quality to it, she blinked again and smiled. Colette was happy when she figured things out all by herself. She had been hit on the head by a passing shoe. Wait a minute.. shoes don't fly.. so how could it have passed her?

She blinked again and frowned. Then smiled again. Aah, of course, someone had tried to throw the shoe away and it had hit her. But why would anyone want to throw away a scary glowing shoe?? Finally, the smile died on her lips as colour rose into her cheeks and her eyes felt wet. Her bottom lip began to wobble. Someone had… thrown a shoe _at_ her… and … and it h- _huuurt_!! A deep sob rose in her chest and her normally pretty face was broken with sorrow as she began to weep silently.

Martel sighed. _Jeez how stupid could you get?? If you get whacked on the head by an unnatural shoe it's a sign that .. Oh never mind. Ill have to sort this out by myself again, as usual. _Giving Botta a longingly lengthy goodbye, she straddled the nearest penguin of death (rehierds are SO last century ) and began her journey back to the one place that she had sworn she would never return to… the land of the living dead…

Aah. Sorry. My mistake.

back to the one place that she had sworn she would never return to… the land of the living …

Where all hell was currently braking loose.


	2. a special little girl

Zelos stepped leisurely out of the shower stand, long red hair wrapped in a towel on his head… and straight into Kratos. Both men looked each other up and down.. took a minute to acknowledge their situation and leapt backwards

"WHATTHEHELLD'YOUTHINKYOU'REDOINGYOUPERVERTCAN'TYOUSEEIMONLYWEARINGATOWEL!?!?" Zelos yelped

"well perhaps if you used the towel to cover yourself instead of putting your hair first again it wouldn't be so embarrassing. Not that I'm embarrassed." he replied.

"whatever you stalker. If you wanted me to cover myself you would've known not to wait for me outside the shower block!"

Kratos simply raised his eyebrows. "you know, not everyone in this group wants to bed you Zelos.."

"aah yeh, I wouldn't mind so much BUT THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME! Jeez.." Zelos groaned.

"whatever. I think we both know that this is going to result in you being naked in the end, I was just trying to save time. But that's not all I'm here for this time." seizing Zelos by the ..um..aah..towel, Kratos dragged him into his tent. "we need to talk Chosen." Yelping ensued.

Mithos sighed and slung his arm around Genis.

"talked to Lloyd yet?" he asked gently ruffling his hair

Genis frowned and looked at the ground "he wouldn't even look at me"

Kissing him on the forehead, Mithos took his hand in his "they'll get over it. This weddings going to be amazing. You found a dress yet?"

Genis nodded. "yup. Pink."

Raine took a deep deep breath… and began hyperventilating again. Things seem so much better when you can't breathe. Something to do with the lack of oxygen and sudden dizziness that takes your mind off your little brother being gay and engaged to an evil genius. Aaaah… sweet asphyxiation…

Thumping her on the back and holding out a paper bag, Sheena instructed Raine to "BREATHE GOD DAMN YOU!!" before continuing to rub her gently between the shoulder blades.

"its …not like I'd … I'd mind…" Raine gasped, "but.. Oh to hell with it… of course I mind… he's gasp only gasp sixteen .. and gasp and gasp gasp hesengagedtoasuicidalhomocidalgenocidalMANIAC!!!" to which she continued sobbing and choking. Sheena muttered something along the lines of "there there now hurry the hell up I want to quiz Zelos about what he was doing with Kratos this morning.." and held out the paper bag again.

Sniffing loudly and drying her eyes, Colette's sobs had subsided. Slightly. Holding the offending shoe by two fingers she looked at it, blinked, and it disappeared. Her eyes widened

"I _knew_ it. I _knew_ it was a magic shoe"

"aaaaw, you're so unbelievably stupid" Martel cooed, petting her gently on the head. Colette turned. Screamed. And fainted. Martel rolled her eyes. "And unbelievably ditzy .." this was going to take a while.

When she came to , the first thing that Colette did was begin to sob hysterically once more. No, it wasn't because the ghost of her friend's sister had appeared before her, it was because she had sneaked up behind her and swiped the shoe out of her hand, meaning the 'magic shoe' was no longer magic. It also meant that this Martel was mean. I mean come on, she'd thrown a shoe at her..

"now Colette, I think you already know who I am" she began, but that was about as far as she got, because she discovered that she had a very heavy Colette hanging off her neck, glomping her. She rolled her eyes.. and continued regardless. "and you also know that everyone in the world knows who you are.. because you're a very special person" she soothed, patting her on the head. It was so easy to treat her like a three year old… Colette nodded and squeezed her neck a little harder.

"d'you know why that is?" Martel asked. Colette squeezed harder and smiled.

"because my mummy said so."

Martel smiled through gritted teeth, "well yes, she was right but the more important reason is because you're the Chosen, and you're in charge of a lot of important things, and a lot of important people, yes?"

Colette nodded again.

"and one of those very important people is your good friend Presea, yes?"

Colette frowned, "well, she's not really my good friend.."

"shut up, of course she is. One of those people is your very good friend Presea. Now, I want you to do something for me you special girl, do you think you can? Shut up , of course you can, you're the Chosen, why the hell else d'you think I'm wasting my time with juvenile little- aah.. I mean of course you can. Now, how about I tell you about what I need you to do for me, yes?"


	3. the tears of a chosen

**Ok, its suddenly turned sentimental- not what i was aiming for, but hey it picks up at the end! Thanks for all your reviews even if you have no idea what ToS even IS (hem, stargazing basketcase!) i'll keep it coming when i can. **

_Kratos dragged him into his tent. "we need to talk Chosen." Yelping ensued_

"You reckon WHAT?" Zelos yelped, dropping the towel in surprise and then yelping further.

"you heard me" Kratos replied, composed as ever.

"Kratos, this is weird. We've been having a casual affair for what- three years now? And you're actually suggesting that I seduce your son?"

Kratos nodded , "look at you Zelos, you could distract anyone, think about how fragile Lloyd'll be feeling right now?"

"YOU'RE SUGGESTING I TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR SON WHILE HE'S NURSING A BROKEN HEART? What kind of dad are you??"

Zelos found himself held against the tent pole "look Chosen, you might be able to do pretty much anything to anyone, but don't forget I happen to be very persuasive myself. You will be a welcome distraction that'll make Lloyd forget all about Genis Sage, right? You'll do what I want you to, you know I'll be right in the end."

Zelos's eyes cut into slits "and what about when I break his heart too? You think the fact that I did it for his own good will compensate for his life shattering?"

"don't be pedantic. He wont fall for you, just let him use you for a while, hells teeth, you do it enough.."

Zelos shook his head. "Good idea Kratos, but think about it - you know nothing about relationships. You killed you wife- yeh yeh I know you did it for her, but whatever, you killed your wife, took advantage of a grieving Yuan who you eventually fell for and now you're having a completely open affair with me. You think you know what'd happen if I did that to Lloyd? Just take a look at Yuan. You took advantage of him while he was grieving. He fell for you because he had no one else to rely on. And now that you've moved onto me, every time he sees us together it kills him. You might be able to do that to Lloyd but I cant. Hell, I don't even like him much and I cant."

Kratos blinked. "no.. I d-- I didn't do that.. did I? No, I didn't mean to.. he.. Yuan.. I though he didn't care"

Zelos raised his eyebrows "whether you mean to or not you did. Look Kratos, I'm gunna tell you something. I like you. More than just once or twice a week, I want you for myself. But I know that's never gunna happen cos I know you couldn't leave Yuan. You know why that is?"

Kratos smiled slightly "cos he gives me these damned adorable looks that make him look so pathetic. If I left him… I don't know what he'd do."

"no, idiot. Its nothing to do with adorable looks, if you left him you don't know what you'd do. You love him. Everyone knows it, its just me who can say it. And no matter how much you keep hurting him he'll still love you because that's what love is. Indestructible. And so damned powerful that when it takes you over you don't even realise it until you're a slave to it and you don't care that it makes you weak and vulnerable or that you don't know yourself anymore, the only one you care about is them. It doesn't matter what happens to you as long as sometimes they can see you, sometimes they have a little time for you. _Shit_." he muttered, wiping tears away from his face.

Kratos stood up slowly. "I'm sorry I cant love you Zelos" he said, dazedly bending to kiss him on the forehead. "forget what I said about Lloyd, just.. forget it. I was just angry that he could make him cry. He really is a hopeless brat sometimes. He'll get through it. So will you." he turned to leave "I-I have to go now.."

Zelos nodded "go to him. Tell him."

Kratos tried to smile and left.

"shit" muttered Zelos again, sniffing and burying his face into Kratos's coat.

Presea was cutting wood. It was what she did. It was all she did, sitting quietly inside the broken mind she had, watching other people love, crying and screaming as she passed her life by. Not that she felt sad about this. She didn't know how to. She raised the axe that gleamed as she brought it down on her splintering world, dislodged it from the wood and arced it through the air, back onto her shoulder. The wood moved. She set it back in place. The axe gleamed, fell, missed and she tried to wince. Blood hurried to the ground as she solemnly bandaged her hand before returning to the wood. Presea was cutting wood. It was what she did. It was all she'd ever do.

OR, so you thought. You seem to have forgotten that this is supposed to be a comedy and not yet more angsty junk about Zelos's broken heart and Presea's broken mind. So, like I say, so you thought, because what Presea didn't realise was that at that moment, Colette was prancing through the forest towards her with a little present from Martel. You lucky thing, you!


	4. stilletos and sycamores

It was lucky for Mithos then , that he was enjoying himself whilst the tempest brewed. Realising that no one was ever going to be as totally euphoric as he was about his recent engagement, he and Genis had gone clothes shopping (rumoured to be better than sex… rumour dismissed) Collapsing onto one of the already desperately sagging sofas in Moonbucks, he and Genis surveyed the damage they had done. To their credit cards of course, if their family didn't like the fact that they were entirely, eternally and unquestionably in love.. well, he'd just have to curse them. Selecting a particularly expensive pair of stilettos from one of the paper bags, he sighed slightly and surveyed them at different angles

"nope. Should've got them in red.."

Genis frowned and agreed.

Kratos was pacing. Manically. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'M SO FUCKING SORRY." he cried, whacking his head on the nearest tree.

"apology accepted" said the tree. Well, not really, it wasn't actually the tree. They can't talk you see.

"excuse me?"

Sheena appeared from around said tree

" I said apology accepted. You were speaking to me, right? Apologising for screwing with my best friend's head and then deciding that you'd better go back to Yuan cos he'll always be there for you whereas Zelos'll move on. Eventually. Right?"

"I'm assuming you've talked to Zelos then?"

"nope, the hysterical sobbing from his tent was quite enough" (what she didn't realise at this point was that Zelos had, in fact, been sobbing because he'd broken a nail. ..)

Kratos looked uncomfortable and muttered something about some incomprehensible kind of-

"fine." came a reluctant, cracked but defiant voice.

"look Mithos, if you make ONE MORE comment about my ass-" Sheena snarled, spinning round to find herself facing Zelos. "oh. Hi. Aah.. Sorry. You're not Mithos." she blinked.

Zelos raised his eyebrows "er, no.. no I'm not. But he's right, you do have a damn fine ass… but anyhow that's not why I'm here."

"look, Zelos, I'm really-" Kratos began, but was silenced with another 'fine' from Zelos.

"you're saying _his _ass's fine???" Sheena marvelled.

"again, yes but its beside the point." Zelos grinned. "What I mean is - Kratos- I'll do it."

"Do..?"

Zelos shifted slightly and looked embarrassed "Lloyd.. I'll.. ya'know?"

Kratos's eyes filled with tears. A squirrel had just bitten him. "you will?"

"will what?" said Sheena

"if you reckon It'd help .. If you think its for the best.."

Kratos shrugged "I just want him to be happy. Really? I mean, are you sure..?"

"yes, really.

"Really what?"

"but if you're just doing it to get over me Zelos-"

"of course he is. Wait… doing what??"

"Kratos, if you want me to I'll do it."

"No, only if you want to do it"

"DO WHAT?!?!"

Kratos and Zelos blinked and remember Sheena. "IT!" they cried in unison.

"what.. It??"

"yes!"

With Lloyd?"

"yes!!"

"NO!!!"

"yes!"

"_NO_!"

"yes!"

"Zelos, NOOOOO!" they all turned to find Seles sobbing and running from the scene. They shrugged. And continued.

"but he can't!"

"yes he can!"

"but what if-" and suddenly something surreal happened. Sheena's eyes turned to slits and a maniacal grin spread across her face. Grabbing her boys by the scruff of their necks she dragged them into a tent "what if I've got a better idea…"

Yelping ensued. Again.


	5. chicks and cars

The scene was a classic. Three shaded figures dressed in Italian leather, two smoking cigarettes; the fire at the end the only source of light; one wearing dark sunglasses, all three looking sober. One lazily tipped the deep red contents of a small glass down his throat and repeated the only thing he had said for the past ten minutes. The thing that chilled the very souls of his companions, making them shudder involuntarily;

"I'm freezing my ass off"

Sheena could feel Zelos's smile through the darkness

"don't even think about it"

"whaaaat?"

"you were about to help him out."

The flame-haired man sighed

"dude, you read me like a chicks and cars magazine"

"uhuh"

Then it happened. The baby pink fairy lights that normally illuminated the hard core ninja's tent spat back on. They had electricity. Now normally sitting for 15 minutes without light or heat in the companionship of a hormonal expert groper and world champion ass-kicker would have been an ordeal for anyone, but now that he could see exactly where Zelos's hand had been making its way and the maniacal grin across Sheena's face, Kratos suddenly began wishing that they were back in a the dark.

"take/your/hand/off/my/thigh" he winced, trying to avoid the unnervingly energized piercing stare Sheena was giving him

"well?" she said, perfectly composed while her eyes sparkled with lured intentions..

"well…?"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK?!?!?!?!!!" she cried, seizing Kratos and Zelos by their throats and shaking them.

"oov..een.antig..o aa'at..cour llug tie nor"

"excuse me?" she blinked, releasing her grip.

"I said 'you've been wanting to say that for a long time now', yes?"

"Zelos" she marked dangerously "I am not an unreasonable woman… BUT WHEN IVE BEEN NEEDING A REPLY FOR NEARLY TWENTY MINUTES FOR AN ANSWER I HAVE NURSED AND NURTURED FOR-"

"OK! fine! I'll tell you! The thing is, Sheena.. Well, frankly… you're a bloody genius." the hated words tumbled from his egocentric mouth, and her eyes lit up momentarily before returning to their usual smugness

"well of course I am, you didn't need to tell me that. Now."

Kratos was actually shaking

"…n-now? Now what?"

"now we get this baby in action!"

The maniacal grin was back with a vengeance.


	6. Kama sutra, anyone?

Ok, so she was lost. Well, not exactly lost, but… aah… well… er? Strayed. Yes. that's the one. She was strayed. And it wasn't like it was her fault either, Martel had refused to tell her what she was going to give to her not-quite-good-friend Presea, and being the curious seraph she was, it annoyed her. And distracted her. So she took a wrong turning. Could've happened to anyone though.

_You know _came the tired, bemused and ever so slightly muffled voice of an exasperated, Botta deprived form of intelligence

_you could always just follow the general trail of destruction …?_

Fmuh. And this Martel was more clever than she was. It just wasn't fair.

_Aaaw quit your moping and hurry up! I've got a wedding to destroy here! _

Martel massaged her temple. Well. As well as you can massage your temples when you don't have a body. So she doesn't have a body and that last sentence doesn't make sense. Well what else am I supposed to write? Aaw come on! Fine. Be like that. Ill just have to change it, wont I?

Martel sighed. Well that's hardly interesting, is it? She could be sighing because she was upset, or overjoyed, or in the throws of … something with Botta that shall remain nameless. Try again.

Martel sighed _and_ massaged her temples as well as a disembodied one can _and _tried very hard to put aside any thoughts of suicide that were floating through her mind in a calming… tempting… soothing …fashion… that made her wonder if she really… she really…

"I'VE FOOOOUND HEEER!" came the window shattering squeal from Colette that jerked her back from whatever dark corner she had been in and into an even darker one. Stilling her hands that were wrapping themselves around her- well- Colette's neck even though that notion was getting more and more tempting by the second, she breathed deeply and explained again.

_You don__'__t have to tell me anything anymore honey, I can read your thoughts. And I can see what you can see. And I can hear what you can hear. And if you weren't__the chosen, I could control what you say. You don__'__t need to spell it out to me, I__'__m not as bloody stupid as you are and __…__ we__'__ve been through this one lots of times.. We made a pact, remember? For just one day and possibly the wedding, I'll share your body having pretty much total control over you, yes? I'm in your mind and the only thing you can do without me is talk, but don't talk TO me cos you don't need to. You'd look like you were talking to yourself and we don__'__t want Presea to know __**we are one**_

Sniggering delightedly, Colette approached Presea muttering under her breath "you ripped that directly from the Lion King.."

Martel's eyes misted over and a lump welled in her throat as she recollected the bewildering desolation she had felt the first time she had watched it. A pain suddenly shot up her cheeks and her eyes felt heavy with tears.

"SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BRAT I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT."

Colette blinked. Yes, I know she does that a lot. But this time Martel also blinked.

"wh-- what?" Martel whispered

"did you just call me a br.. A BRAT??" Colette wailed, beginning to get hysterical again.

"Colette.. look.. .. I'm.. I'm talking through you! Whatever I say, you say! I didn't think it was possible but.. but I am and whatever I say.. you say.. and.. wait.." the smile that would have been upon Martel's face if she had one of her own would have turned to a frown

"ok, what did you do, chosen? You accepted this and unless you let me have complete control of you willingly..?" she questioned, testily

"I didn't mean to really… I just had this.. feeling.. and .. well I knew if I wanted to I could block you out, but… but" her face suddenly crumpled "I've never had anyone as close to me before! Everyone just thought I was stupid and clumsy, and I thought Lloyd like me but then it turns out he's gay and only wanted to be with me cos of my incredible powers.. and.. and" the whimpers and snuffles turned into loud shuddering sobs "I'm.. I'm LONELY alright? I don't have anyone other than me cos I cant trust anyone other than me cos no one other than me and Zelos are as clever as me and Zelos, and I try to hide it by being stupid so that people wont hurt me BUT/THEY/ALWAYS/DO." her legs buckled and she sank to the floor covering her face and weeping. Martel suddenly found herself shaking slightly.. before she knew it, she was hugging her Colette/self as best she could and weeping with her. When she'd made the pact with Colette 'to make it easier' so that Colette couldn't screw up, the one thing she hadn't counted on was it being a two-way thing. She could use Colette's body. She could use Colette's voice. She could use her powers- this pact had meant she'd got a share in everything- and a share in what Colette really felt. She was as lonely as she was .

_its ok. It really is. No matter what- even when we've finished all of this ..I… wont leave you. I'll stay here.. I promise you I'll look after you, I'll stay with you, I'll stay here.. _

Colette re-opened her eyes and ground a fistful of dust she had into the palm of her hand.

"they always say that" she whispered.

But this time Martel wasn't just making empty promises, she was next to her and holding her. And she was crying for her.

Presea coughed. Touching as this scene was, she'd absentmindedly watched Colette try to find her for the past two hours. She'd joined minds with someone else, that much was clear and she kept talking to them.. or they kept talking to her through her, whatever, it was getting slightly confusing to watch someone argue with themselves and then comfort themselves. Alternatively Colette had suddenly got a split personality disorder. But her other personality had a wider vocabulary. Hhmm.

"can I be of assistance with anything?" she ventured.

"what? Oh _shit_ I mean, er… um, what was it again, Martel? oh yeh, Presea, we've- I've got a present for you!"

"if you intend to drop yet more subtly obvious hints about myself and Genis which will then prove to be wrong anyway and proceed to give me a karma sutra book again I admit your intentions are noble, but futile. Possibility of being able to bend myself into most of the positions: less than 17"

Giggling and shoving her fist into her mouth to suppress them, Colette concentrated on breathing, found this proved too much and let Martel take over.

"er- well, not quite. The thing is- I feel you've been somewhat neglected as a valuable member of our group and as thanks for your efforts to be anything other than a boring Presea-bot we've got a present for you" finding herself with oxygen again, Colette continued.

"what's the thing you've always wanted, more than anything?"

"to feel the heat of Genis's bed" she replied solemnly. By now, both girls were in fits of hysterics and repeatedly telling themselves oxygen was overrated anyway.

"what/we/meant/was.." she giggled once more and then thought better of finishing her sentence.

"well, whether you want it or not, we've got a present for you. SURPRISE!" she screamed, throwing a handful of green powder at her and leaping backwards. Presea's eye twitched nervously and she opened her mouth to speak.. but that was as far as she got, because then.. then the screaming began…


	7. clever and cunning plans!

Yes, the next chapter has returned! Big sorry to everyone kept waiting, I had all these gay exams nd a geography field trip.. still, pathetic excuses so I decided to make this one a long one! Just to recap, Sheena and her boys have a clever and cunning plan, Martel and Colette have a clever and cunning plan, lloyds just being pathetic and crying someplace, Mithos and Genis are engaged and now that Kratos's broken it off with Zelos I think theres some serious grovelling to do to Yuan! The wedding will be soon, I promise, till then enjoy the unpredictability!

Nancing through the forest hand in hand with Sheena Fujibayashi wasn't something one normally did unless in a very brave or very stupid mood. The last person she had ever nanced with had been an ex-boyfriend, and their relationship had tragically been cut short when she realised just how terrible he was at mincing and had decided to do away with him. But ex partners aside, she was beginning to get frustrated, which was always dangerous. No, she hadn't broken a nail. Yes, both of her boys had agreed to her spectacular plan. Yes it was going to go fine. No, she hadn't been bitten by one of the squirrels that were chasing Kratos in the excitement of the joys of spring. Zelos was better at nancing than her. Yes, that's right, better than her. Mournfully she reflected that this was only naturally to be expected, but looking at him made her cheeks flush pink. The way his whole body arched as his hips swayed from one side to the other… the way he had a delicate flick of the heels every third step… the way he held his hands in perfect teapot precision, oh it was too much to bear!

"RIGHT, THAT IS IT!" she roared, bringing their journey to a halt just as Zelos was halfway through a quickstep, making him land gracelessly on the floor.

"Whaaaat?" he wined, massaging his ivory thigh.

"When we're through with this you will give me nancing lessons and I will be better at nancing than you, _is that understood_??"

Zelos swallowed. "Um. Sure."

"Good"

The nancing continued until they reached the edge of the lake where Genis and Mithos were resting on a log, hands still clasped. Mithos knew he shouldn't have used superglue to re-stick his false nails on. Gah.

"Now boys, you know what to do, right?" she hissed.

Zelos bit his lip and nodded.

"Sheena.. Can I just talk to you for a sec? I just need you to go over it once more" He said, hastily seizing her hands and dragging her away from Kratos. Not that he would notice, he was too busy trying to de- frisky squirrel-ize himself. Zelos sighed and massaged his temples. Being a sex god was damned hard work. Throwing a longing glance at Sheena, his hazel eyes widened and his bottom lip trembled.

"Sheena darling are you sure this is the only waaay?"

Sheena reciprocated. Only her hazel eyes were filled with sorrow, her bottom lip was delicate and she looked altogether adorable. Adorable assassin. Aaah. Scary thought.

"But baby you said you would.." she sighed

"I no…" he sounded reluctant..

Leaning closer so she was whispering in his ear a smile flitted across her lips "I think Kratos would thank you for it.." A short jerk of the shoulders indicated that he was probably over his former lover . Then he smiled. "Yeah." Probably.

"So we're clear, right?"

"I guess"

"look, if anything goes wrong I'll probably save you, k?"

Zelos clenched his fists and nodded.

"Hey look, Genis is going into the tent- you can do it now if you're quick- good luck" she whispered and kissed him lightly on the forehead before he made his way purposefully towards the duo's site.

" rather you than me mate" she added as he drew closer to Mithos "Good luck… you're gonna need it"

Dragging a twitching, screaming Presea over to the lakeside to splash water on her face to revive her was actually harder than it looked. But once the last traces of the green powder had either been inhaled or washed away, she stopped screaming and sat down heavily and gulped.

"percentage of success down to ten perce- NO ZELOS I WILL NOT WEAR THAT MAIDS OUTFIT AND I DON'T CARE HOW CUTE MY ASS LOOKS IN IT- Genis, I have something to tell you- ouch my hand hurts- oh stop complaining Lloyd I took the wrap of that attack for you it barely touched you-damn Sheena looks hot today- Genis, I still have something to tell you- I wonder if Mithos realises that he's actually hurting his own kind too- when can I go home?- oh look Zelos's looking at Kratos again- how long have those two been at it? Does Yuan know- I feel sorry for Martel in all of this, Genis will you just listen to me for once? Regal- where's Alicia? Why is there.. you're hands… you're hands are red, Regal, Regal where's Alicia? What have you done to her? She's alright, isn't she? Why are you looking at me like that? Don't apologise I don't want to hear that you're sorry I want you to tell me why you're sorry, Regal, WHY? Why are you apologising, you haven't hurt her, you can't have hurt her , you loved her, I love her, Regal, why? What have you done to her? Where is she? Regal?? REGAL WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??"

"STOP IT!" Colette cried, grabbing Presea by the neck and wrapping her arms around her, trying to smother her screams. "just stop it, Presea! She's dead, she's been dead for years, he couldn't stop it, he tried to save her, Presea please, just" and then Colette dissolved into tears too.

"She's showing and experiencing all the emotions she couldn't at the time." Martel whispered. "I didn't know, didn't know it would happen, didn't know she would go through it all again.."

"We should have just left her alone! We should have just let her go one never knowing what happened, this is just wrong!" Colette cried, rocking the screaming Presea in her arms "look at her! Look at what she's going through!" Presea was now buried in Colette's shoulders, pathetically keening like a broken, wounded animal.

"please.. please no… Alicia… why couldn't I help you… why couldn't I… why.."

Colette loosened her grip on her and let her sink to the ground

"Alicia… I'm sorry.."

"So this was you're great plan was it?" she challenged, gently smoothing out Presea's tangled hair "give her back her emotions so she spends the rest of her life thinking it was her fault?" Martel sighed and this time a handful of blue powder appeared in Colette's pocket. "Give it to her. She'll never know about Alicia. She'll forget she ever existed"

"That's your answer?"

"Can you think of a better one"

Grinding her teeth, Colette sprinkled the powder onto a piece of cloth and gently tipped Presea's tear streaked face backwards.

"Presea, I'm sorry-" she muttered and pressed the cloth over her face. She didn't even try to struggle as the blue powder took hold and she closed her eyes and collapsed into Colette's lap, twitching gently.

"Will it-"

"No, it doesn't hurt. Don't worry, I did it before on Zelos to make him forget too."

"Make him forget what?"

Martel closed her disembodied eyes and sighed "on Christmas.. he built a snowman with his mother…….. You know what, it doesn't matter. I'm the only one who knows what happened so it doesn't matter"

"Aaw" Colette sympathised " The same thing happened to me too. I was building this snowman.. and.. and.. _the carrot broke in half _" she sobbed loudly. Martel smiled and made her hands move Presea to a more comfortable position.

"She'll wake up happier soon" she said.


	8. axegirls of the apocalypse

**Huzzah for the latest chapter! I know right now it's not really going anywhere, but the wedding will be soon ...and then it will all be worth while... grins in infuriating and knowing way bwhahaha. As always, reviews make me happy nd make me write better. And if that aint an incentive I dont know what is :D Enjoy!**

Presea did not, if fact wake up happier. Or, for that matter soon. It was close to midnight and Martel and Colette were discussing clever and cunning plans in their tent when most of it was ripped away by an angst driven axe wielding pink bunchy wearing shortass axe girl. Colette screamed something about the axe girls of the apocalypse and how she knew she should have listened to Professor Sage in class and jumped into Martel's arms who immediately hugged her closer protectively and began speaking very quickly and nervously to someone called Josephine that it wasn't what it looked like and she thought they were 'taking a break' anyway. Presea tilted her head slightly and politely enquired as to whether she should come back a little late when they were less 'otherwise engaged', at which point Colette jumped out of Martel's arms and Martel re-did her first three buttons. Or four. You'know. Whichever. Coughing, Presea cleared her throat and then less then politely enquired as to "WHERE THE HELL IS THE LITTLE BASTARD??" to which Colette jumped into Martel's arms, and Martel began to pour her a very stiff drink.

"It's gunna be a long night" she remarked, clearing away the strip poker set…

Pulling his corset a little tighter and fluffing his bold hair, Zelos minced purposefully towards where Mithos was sitting, practising voodoo on a Yuan doll. Sheena's voice broke into his thoughts and added a spring to his step as he went over what he needed to do.

_Okay, step one: You have to make nice, polite small talk for about thirty seconds before whacking him over the head, shoving into a nearby tree and frisking him until Genis comes out. _

_Step two: This is the important one- you have to make sure Genis sees. Easy, okay? Genis just has to see. Then he'll leave Mithos and Lloyd can 'comfort' him in anyway he sees fit, right? _

Yeah. He agreed. Easy.

"Err.. Hi." He began. _Err Hi? Aw come on you could manage better than that if you were trying to make a move on a rich tea biscuit! _"Evening gorgeous, have you been using a new kind of shampoo recently, your hair looks just-"

"What d'you want?"

"Erm.. Aah… um.. Well…"

Easy. Sure.

"Um.. this." He yelped, and grabbed him by the collar and pulled him to the ground.

Kratos sprang from his sitting position "But.. But what about the small talk?!"

"Don't worry. If I know Zelos, everything will be-" a large amount of green light shot out from under Zelos and pinned him to the nearest tree. "a bloody disaster" she concluded, wincing. Poking his head around the tent flap, Genis merely blinked.

"Now what do you suggest we do with him?" Mithos enquired. Shrugging, Genis zipped the back of his vivid green dress and muttered something about flower arrangements before diving back into his tent filled with bridal magazines. Rolling his eyes, Mithos sighed "Sorry about that. He gets a little… hormonal every now and then. Stressing about the wedding. The flowers company just closed and he's been up half the night fretting about it - oh, and we had a very unfortunate letter yesterday, they don't stock pink doilies any more, he was in tears for a good half hour- but as I was saying, what to do with you?"

"You could.. err.. aah.. put me down?"

"And why would I do that?"

"Okay, point taken.. Look, I really don't mean to be rude in all of this, its just this wasn't my ide-"

"Shut up. What should I do to you? Final judgement? Beast? Think of my own attack for once?"

"What if I've got a better idea?" enquired a sullen, low voice as Sheena appeared with a handful of bridal magazines. "look, Zelos's been a baad boy, and don't worry, I'll punish him in any way I want to okay?"

"What if I want to punish him any way _I_ want to?" Mithos enquired.

"Here's the deal- you let him go and don't do any of your froody voodoo on him and I'll give you these magazines for Genis, and the number of my personal flower arranger and the website of a place I know does pink doilies. Okay?" Mithos smiled. Raised his eyes to the heavens and muttered something about thanking the person who made him not have to deal with a sobbing Genis for the next two days. Grabbing the magazines, he disappeared into his tent with a mutter of "now you can figure out how to get him down…"

Sheena raised her eyebrows, sighed and grinned.

"Okay, you screwed up."

"Just get me down already."

"What's the hurry? I have a perfect view of your-"

"Sheena. Down. Now." The finality with which the words were sighed antagonized her and her eyes cut to slits as she shook her head.

"Nope. Like I said, you screwed up. Want to get down? We've got to turn to plan B."

"No. Ohh No! No more bloody plans! I refuse. Don't look at me like you know better, it is never going to happen! "

Wincing and massaging the small of his back as he limped from the sight, he turned to her with dread. "Plan …B?"


	9. I AM NOT IN DENIAL!

**Huzzah for the appearence of chapter nine! If you're still faithfully following (and for that I think ye) then just to recap, there are now THREE plans being produced to stop the wedding! BWAHA!**

"Zelos-"

"NO."

"you-"

"NO."

"screwed-"

"NO."

"up."

"NO."

"Now-"

"NO."

"you-"

"NO."

"are-"

"NO."

"going-"

"NO."

"to-"

"NO."

"face-"

"NO."

"the-"

"NO."

"consequences!"

"N-"

"YES! And you will do it whether you want to or not do you understand you dumbass Chosen!?"

"Sheena!" he cried "I refuse to seduce Lloyd Irving! Not only is he short, pathetic, annoying and extremely dull, but I know for a fact that he takes his swords to bed with him. DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I WOULD IN ANY WAY JEPORDISE THIS SOFT, EXFOLIATED, MOISTURISED, WAXED, TANNED AND ALTOGETHER PERFECT SKIN JUST TO MAKE YOU HAPPY?!"

Raising one eyebrow, Sheena stood with her hands on her hips. "Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"Yes, Zelos. I think you would." and with a small, secretive smile playing on her lips, she walked away leaving Zelos quite speechless.

Raine was altogether frantic. Hurrying towards Kratos's tent, she flicked her wet fringe from her eyes and swallowed. Building up momentum with each step, she found herself pacing menacingly towards him, and when she flung the tent flap open the birds around them took flight and the woods shook as a high, thin, terrified woman's scream filled the air.

Rolling her eyes and re-arranging her hair, she let the tent flap fall out of her hands and sat next to a quivering Kratos.

"Oh don't be such a girl." She hissed "Don't tell me you've never seen a pissed off woman with PMS, running eyeliner and a bad hair day before?" Raising her eyebrows she shrugged "Well whatever. We need to talk, NOW."

Nodding obediently, Kratos gave her some more leg room "what's the problem?"

"This wedding can't happen. This wedding will/not/happen."

"I.." Sobbed Presea, "am experiencing the seven stages .." she sniffed "of grief. Of grieving absolutely and indefinitely for the one I love."

Martel rolled her eyes.

Colette patted her on the back.

"You'll get used to the idea soon.." She mumbled, at which point she was reminded by a severe poke in the ribs from Martel, that the entire reason they had given her emotions was not that she would become passive and used to the idea of Genis marrying Mithos. It was so she would kick Mithos's ass from Martel, and using her female charm, cause the wedding to be called off.

"I mean.." she hastened "as soon as _anyone_ gets used to losing the love of their life TO ANOTHER MAN. I mean, you're going to feel useless and completely unwanted as a woman… rejected and unappreciated… unworthy.. lost…lonely.. But yeh. You'll get used to it. Sure you will. I only took me four or five **years** of feeling like this to get over Lloyd. You'll be fine in a while. No problem."

Martel whistled through her teeth "girl you're getting to be as good as bitch as I am!"

"Currently experiencing.. stage s-s-s-siiiiix! DESPAIIIR!" She wept.

"Thank god." Martel breathed "This can't be any worse than number five" she sighed, glancing at her belongings that had been smashed, ripped, torn and altogether destroyed by Anger. "you sure this isn't just an excuse for you to .. I dunno.. really let go of some feelings you've been storing for the last few years"

"n-no--- yeees--I l-l-looove hiiim but, but"

"well face it, this is better than Denial.." Colette breathed. They both shuddered involuntarily at the memory of Presea holding them both against the tent pole and repeating that she refused, REFUSED to believe that Genis and Mithos were together.

"let's just hope this holds out till the wedding's off. If she accepts it too soon-"

"I'LL NEVER ACCEPT IT!" Presea screamed

Colette sighed and made some more tea.


End file.
